So now you're accepting constructive critic? Last time you didn't.
Using premade texteffects from Vegas looks awful, so how about creating your own font and effects?
If you're adding any objects to move in your movie, please, do it in the AAE and try to find out what is motion tracking.
Aspect ratio was 4:3 while you recorded? And the letterbox was too tight, so try to use Simple Camera and get some space before you start to record. (Get the camera higher than normal)
Really, watch some movies made by RazingLikeNP or any WoDotA videos. They're simple, but they look good. Why? They have synced the videos, every single track of music fits in the video colors (by genre), try to get some quality when you record and especially when you render it & really, read some basic moviemaking tutorials.
EDIT: Inb4 -1. Video: 7-