Author Topic: Joke Thread  (Read 51195 times)

Offline SaintKnight

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Joke Thread
« on: September 02, 2011, 23:02 »
I created this thread so people can post the best jokes they've ever heard here. Please do not post lame jokes like "Why is 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9!" -_-  :P
So I'll begin with a short joke, I could type like 100 jokes but I'm not in the typing mood :P
-What's the difference between your wife and your lover?
- 45 Kilograms
Feel free to share your jokes  8)
« Last Edit: October 17, 2012, 21:08 by dRagoLjuB »

"No one dies virgin, life fucks us all" - Kurt Cobain

Offline dRagoLjuB

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2011, 02:03 »
xDD the 6 joke is awesome :D
why i am such a pro ? - because vaikiss is my father xDD joke ;d

or this xDD




I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why.

MIAUHAHAHAHAH :D

Offline SaintKnight

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2011, 04:42 »
xDD the 6 joke is awesome :D
why i am such a pro ? - because vaikiss is my father xDD joke ;d

or this xDD




I feel sorry for people who don’t drink or do drugs. Because someday they’re going to be in a hospital bed, dying, and they won’t know why.

MIAUHAHAHAHAH :D
Quote
no lame jokes please
drago that joke is so bad it's funny xD
sigh..
A squirrel and a rabbit fell in love, and started living together in the forest. They had fun together, their sex life was great, but they had only one problem... they couldn't have children. One day they decided to go ask the wise forest owl for an advise.
-Dear owl, can you please tell us why we can't have children? Is it because we are a squirrel and a rabbit? :(
-No, it is because you are both boys.
*****************
racist joke inc
A romanian boy asked his father:
-Daddy, can I marry Janosh(hungarian boy name)?
-No, absolutely not.
-But I really want to!!!
-No chance.
-But we really love each other!!! Why can't I marry him???
-Because he is a hungarian.

***********
A little girl eats a lot of donuts every day and becomes really fat with a huge belly, and her mom forbids her to eat donuts. One day the girl meets a pregnant woman on the street and tells her:
-Hey! I know how you got that belly, I did ít too and it feels awesome!

"No one dies virgin, life fucks us all" - Kurt Cobain

Offline dRagoLjuB

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2011, 06:02 »
xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD


another one

Friend 1: Is it true that your wife talks to herself when she is alone?
Friend 2: I don't know. I wasn't with her when she was alone.


xaaxaxaxaxaxxa :D
« Last Edit: September 03, 2011, 06:04 by dRagoLjuB »

Offline Astaroth

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2011, 20:49 »
This shouldn't be joke but the answer...

Q: What is max reach of BT? I mean can BT go throughout wall and next 15 meters to garden?
A: If BT means Battle Tank then yes, it can.

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Offline SaintKnight

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2011, 00:36 »
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied: "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
*************
A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"
********
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game for a while and said "I can't believe my eyes! That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

"No one dies virgin, life fucks us all" - Kurt Cobain

Offline BrownTygeR

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2011, 16:39 »
Guy walks into an ice-cream shop.
Guy: "Can I have some chocolate?"
Worker: "Sorry sir we're out of chocolate."
Guy: "Hmm, I want some chocolate ice-cream."
Worker: "Sir, we don't have any chocolate, choose another flavor."
Guy: "I want chocolate."
Worker: "Ok. How do you spell the van in vanilla?"
Guy: "V-A-N."
Worker: "And how do you spell the straw in strawberry?"
Guy: "S-T-R-A-W."
Worker: "So how do you spell the fuck in chocolate?"
Guy: "There's no fuckin' chocolate!"
Worker: "You got it!"
I dont need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

Offline SaintKnight

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2011, 13:59 »
Guy walks into an ice-cream shop.
Guy: "Can I have some chocolate?"
Worker: "Sorry sir we're out of chocolate."
Guy: "Hmm, I want some chocolate ice-cream."
Worker: "Sir, we don't have any chocolate, choose another flavor."
Guy: "I want chocolate."
Worker: "Ok. How do you spell the van in vanilla?"
Guy: "V-A-N."
Worker: "And how do you spell the straw in strawberry?"
Guy: "S-T-R-A-W."
Worker: "So how do you spell the fuck in chocolate?"
Guy: "There's no fuckin' chocolate!"
Worker: "You got it!"
Nice one  8)
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
Can't think of something better atm :P

"No one dies virgin, life fucks us all" - Kurt Cobain

Offline End

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2011, 16:39 »
Justin Bieber will star in Transformers 4. His name will be Faggatron!

F    R    O    M         A    B    O    V    E

Offline SaintKnight

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2011, 17:46 »
Justin Bieber will star in Transformers 4. His name will be Faggatron!
rofl made my day :D
A bulgarian, an american and a french guy talk about what they gave as a present to their wives for their anniversaries.
The american said:
- I bought her a diamond ring.
The frenchie said:
- I bought her roses.
The bulgarian said:
- I bought her sandals and a dildo.
Then the american asked:
- Why did you buy her a dildo?!?!
The bulgarian said:
- So that if she doesn't like the shoes she can go **** herself.

"No one dies virgin, life fucks us all" - Kurt Cobain

Offline Astaroth

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2011, 18:11 »
There is a plane crash near unknown island and there are only 3 survivors: American, German and Czech. They swim to the island but soon they got caught by local man-eaters.
The chief of man-eaters give two glass balls to each survivor and tells them:
"Here you got 2 balls. I will lock you into huts for a week and if you show me something I never saw with those balls I'll give you a freedom."
After week the chief walk into hut with American. The balls are flying around his head.
Chief says: "I've already saw this, we will eat this man."
Then the chief walks into hut with German. He is dancing and those glass balls are flying all around and glow with different colors.
Chief says: "I've already saw this, we will eat this man."
Then he walks into hut with Czech and gets out soon. With disappointed face he says: "I've never saw this. That idiot broken one of the balls and lost the other one..."

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Offline SaintKnight

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2011, 22:51 »
There is a plane crash near unknown island and there are only 3 survivors: American, German and Czech. They swim to the island but soon they got caught by local man-eaters.
The chief of man-eaters give two glass balls to each survivor and tells them:
"Here you got 2 balls. I will lock you into huts for a week and if you show me something I never saw with those balls I'll give you a freedom."
After week the chief walk into hut with American. The balls are flying around his head.
Chief says: "I've already saw this, we will eat this man."
Then the chief walks into hut with German. He is dancing and those glass balls are flying all around and glow with different colors.
Chief says: "I've already saw this, we will eat this man."
Then he walks into hut with Czech and gets out soon. With disappointed face he says: "I've never saw this. That idiot broken one of the balls and lost the other one..."
LOL thanks for the laugh  ;D
Speaking of cannibals...
When do cannibals leave the table? 
When everyone's eaten.


What's the definition of Trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

"No one dies virgin, life fucks us all" - Kurt Cobain

Offline AF_Affliction

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2011, 04:32 »
At the Airport:

-Name?
-Abu Dalah Sarafi.
-Sex?
-Four times a week.
-No, no, no..... male or female?
-Male, female...... sometimes camel.......
Who am I? I'm the Soldier of Supporting, Demon of Disables, Monk of the Map Control, the Grand Wizard of Wardz, The Chick Buyer, The Thrish!


Offline Sirinity

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2011, 06:40 »
Eddie Murphy:
 Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Quote from: Belgarax;
Didnt you hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra?
A man took twelve pills and his wife died.

Offline Sirinity

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Re: Joke Thread
« Reply #14 on: September 20, 2011, 06:43 »
Chuck Norris once had sex in the back of a pick up truck and some of his sperm leaked into the engine. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime
Quote from: Belgarax;
Didnt you hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra?
A man took twelve pills and his wife died.